swimmom2girls

I'm completely new to this forum, because I am looking for some advice on what to do. I have a 10 year old daughter, (almost 11), who has been swimming for 5 1/2 years. She is a solid AA/AAA swimmer. We recently had an excellent coach, with whom she was swimming for two years, leave our club. We are a small club, and hired a coach in Sept. Since Sept., she has become bored with her workouts because she is not challenged, and feels as if the coach doesn't believe she can accomplish the time and process goals she wants to achieve. She doesn't feel the coach is training her in a such a way to help her achieve her goals, and wants to be challenged and pushed to achieve the next time standard. My child, who is completely goal-oriented and intrinsically motivated, is becoming increasingly unhappy. She was fortunate enough to have a coach the last two years that educated her and was in constant communication with her about her goals and how to achieve them, that she absorbed it like a sponge. I feel I am in a very uncomfortable postion. We have told our daughter for five months to stay positive regarding the different training and keep an open mind. Through several conversations she has had with her coach, she now feels frustrated. I'm trying not to cross the line as coming across as a pushy parent, but at some point, I have to help the coach understand what my daughter is feeling. How do I do that without crossing the line? Any advice would be helpful, as my daughter has never, even with the toughest workout, said she didn't like practice. I don't want to see her become so uninterested and bored, that she ends up quitting. Please offer your advice. Thank you!

texasaggies

Hey welcome to the forums! Love when we get some fresh blood around here...

You said it's a small program...do you live in an area where you have other options? The fact of the matter is that coaches are often very pigheaded about this stuff, so if you have a choice of another program, that's going to be your best bet.

How old is the coach? What are his/her credentials? What's his/her personality like? I'm at work right now, but shoot a few more details about the situation, how many other coaches are on the team, who runs the team, etc. and I can give you advice later about how I would like for it to be handled if I were a coach.

swimmom2girls

Thank you for your response! I am really looking for an appropriate way to handle the situation. Our program has about 30 swimmers. The closest swim program is 50 miles away, but is a large quality program. Our coach is young, about 28, and been coaching since 2004. She was an age group coach for another small team, and never had any other experiences other than the one team she has coached with. Our last coach was amazing and knew exactly what my daughter wanted and continually kept her enthused by challenging her with the next time standard or process in her swimming. Currently, she tells me she is getting none of that, and is not really sure what her coach is training her for. She is a smart, mature kid, with a lot of drive. I just need to find an appropriate way to educate our coach about what my daughter wants and is looking for in a coach, without sounding like the crazy swim mom. I feel like challenging her in her current practice group, and providing more feedback to her on what she's going to do to help her reach her next goal is not unreasonable.

swimmom2girls

I guess I should add that she is not ASCA Level certified. She has a pretty laid back personality, and believes she is giving my daughter what she needs because she thinks a 1:11 100 back is pretty solid. My daughter wants to know that her coach was training her for a 1:11, and is now shooting for, say, a 1:09, or whatever. As a mom, a 1:11 is absolutely awesome! My daughter wants what is after that. What to do to improve upon that, how, and why she's doing it. My daughter has qualities that cannot be coached in kids, (drive, motivation, passion), which is why this is so difficult. I don't think she'd be meeting the resistance she is if she were saying practice was very hard and she was feeling overwhelmed. We used to be a coach-owned team, but the coach left for another job elsewhere due to major parental issues. Basically he was coaching swimmers to a high level, and parents wanted their kids to attain that level, but didn't want their kids to have to put in the time or commitment to reach that level. We are now a parent-run board in it's VERY infant stages. We have one other part time coach who is a senior in high school who coaches the novice kids. Hope this helps! I appreciate anything...thank you!

Typhoons Coach

Have a meeting with the coach, or facilitate one with your swimmer leading the way. You need to reinforce the lines of communication between swimmer and coach so I would prefer if the swimmer opened the door to that one.

Either way, something needs to be communicated to the coach to express displeasure; do you have a volunteer board who oversees the coach? If not, who supervises the coaching?

swimmom2girls

We've already encouraged our daughter to talk to her coach regarding her situation, and were present recently during one of the conversations as support. However, at 10 yrs old, and not being an assertive, aggressive child, it is sometimes hard for her to articulate her thoughts to someome she is still not completely comfortable expressing her feelings to. The board does oversee the coaching, but I believe, since our team is so small, and we've had quite the turmoil over the summer months, everyone is satisfied.

texasaggies

Well the #1 tip I can give you is don't try and get at the coach during practice. That's the best way to have them just shut you off. I might suggest asking the coach for a time that would be best to come talk to them, because the psycho parent vibe comes when the parents just come out of the woodwork during/immediately before/after practice. Setting up a meeting indicates that you don't want to complain, more like you want to discuss.

I can see that a 10 year old girl might be intimidated by bringing something like this up with her coach. But wow, 1:11 is FANTASTIC for a 10 year old.

I also understand the boards theory. They know how the coaching can be, and don't want to rock the boat now that things are stable.

Part of the problem with small programs is the resources aren't always available to give 1 more elite swimmer special attention they might need/deserve.

Some things to be prepared for that your coach might react with:

She won't want to burn out a 10 (almost 11 year old) by pushing her too hard. It happens, even with the most driven, passionate kids.

There's a chance that the training is simply different than what she's used to (after having the same coach for 5 1/2 years) and there's a chance that as a 10 year old, it's more of an issue of her being resistant to new theories, systems, training, etc.

It's also possible that she's not as good of a coach as the previous guy was, and never will be. As such a small club, I assume that the pay isn't great, so she might have trouble putting as much effort or enthusiasm as the last guy was able to have naturally. Perhaps look for a swim clinic that will be in town and talk the board into ponying up the dough to send her there.

In any event, it's definitely something you should discuss with the coach, but make sure you really nail down the issues that your daughter is having. From what I've read it's not ENTIRELY clear what the exact issue is...it seems like her problem is that she's not being pushed hard enough, and if you simply want the coach to push her harder, I doubt she'll have a problem with that! With, of course, the understanding that pushing her harder could burn her out.

At the end of the day, you do have to be careful about wording it in a sense that she's not doing a good job, or the other coach did yada yada yada, because many coaches are very sensitive about this stuff. There's a LOT of crazy swim parents out there who just want to whine and want their kid to get special treatment, when they have no idea what's going on. If you make a concerted effort to learn what the coach is doing, and present it as though the coach and you are a team working to pushing your child to do her best, rather than "you're the coach, I'm paying you, my daughter's not happy, and I want you to change."


(Ok, after rereading this, it almost sounds like I'm attacking you/your daughter, but I was just hoping to give you insight into what your coach might respond with. Kinda like a lawyer prepping for trial, know what the other side is thinking. I just thought it would help you in your conversation to know the things you can say that will completely shut your coach down from what you have to say.)

Best of luck, and let us know! I'm always curious about how these things turn out, but people never come back and tell us the result!

Typhoons Coach

As a coach, I want to meet the needs of all my swimmers. Granted, that doesn't happen all of the time, but I do my best to please as that is what will make (and has made) my program grow. I have spent 10 out of 12 years of coaching with 10 and under swimmers, and would love it if my swimmers took the initiative to talk to me about their goals, and what they want to get out of swimming. You have to understand that even though she is not aggressive, etc that she has to start taking responsibility for her results and her production in swimming. I don't want to insult and I sincerely apologize if I offend, but these are also life lessons that can be taught.

swimmom2girls

I thank you both for your input on my situation, and don't take offense to any of the advice given. Both are helpful. My daughter has discussed her goals on several occasions with her coach, because that is what my husband and I have encouraged her to do. Our last coach was very big on taking personal responsibility and accountability. We've really tried to help her stay positive and give the coach a chance to help her achieve those goals. Because my daughter feels nothing has changed, and practice is still boring, and she's not being told why she's doing something to help her reach her goals, I guess I'm on the fence about do I support my daughter or wait until she's so bored she doesn't want to swim anymore. She's doing everything she needs to do in practice, plus some to find ways to challenge herself, as well as listening to the coach. However, she has had 4 different coaches in the last 5 1/2 years she has been swimming, all with different styles. And, with my husband and I emphasizing the positive in practice and the outcomes in her races, I don't think she's resistant, I just think she's looking for higher expectations from her coach to not be afraid to give her that extra push. I don't want to burn her out, either, which is why I don't think additional practice days to increase training is necessary. But, I do believe there are creative and challenging ways she can be challenged. Thank you both. I plan to schedule a time to meet with the coach for coffee or dinner to discuss what we can both do to help my daughter feel challenged and renew the fun of practice for her.

Typhoons Coach

I don't know where you are location wise, but another idea is to seek out a private coach to help your daughter. At 11 and 12 (it's almost time start two-a-days). Typically, mornings are used for drills and stroke work where afternoons are used for "drilling in" those drills.

Just another idea, though I know you mentioned you are relatively isolated geographically.